V-LLA

"A villanelle about her."

REALITY versus FANTASY

I can't say I'm not hurt, disillusioned, broken&damaged, but I can't say that I'm going to bring my life to a halt either.I cannot, I cannot, I cannot afford to lose my shit and let shit crumble around me again. That's not how it works, that's not how I fucking work. Shit just fucking happens sometimes, I have had plenty of experience with that so many times in my life. This could just be another one of those things that just so happens to happen, and well, there's nothing I can do about it now. I am tired of being in the dark recesses of my mind, I am fed up with feeling like a failure constantly, and I am exhausted of the anxiousness that grabs me by all my senses and murders the spirit of my will. But regardless of how wretched and destroyed I feel right now, I know that these 'hard feelings' (as she called them) will leave me; that my frustrations and anger will wilt to the point of absolute extinction and I will find the clarity I yearn for in my heart. I can't even phrase how I feel toward her right now, but I know that at the end of the day it's her that burns through my mind and body, it's her that'll always be 'the one--the one that got away.' But ... One day I will wake up and find that all these feelings of disillusion will be gone and that I will not think of her and what happened with sadness, but with a peace of mind that will only help me keep growing. I want to feel fresh and alive again--pumping with life that would make even the daredevils jealous, blowing up with the joy of creativity, and the exhilaration of standing by our sisters in this treacherous reality we're subject to. A voice in my head keeps whispering the same thing lately: 

"Let go or get dragged."