anxiety.

Lately, I get scared of the thought of people getting close to me. And even though I feel so fucking lonely, the thought makes me feel so angry and upset. She has all the winning marks and I'm just a loser miles behind. I don't want to care about these things, but time and time again I realize this is a crushing part of who I am and I need to learn to deal with it the best way. It's not fair she gets to forget with someone else, it's easier that way. But I want to forget too and being afraid of others is getting in the way of taking that option. I guess I don't know what to do, It doesn't matter anyways. Does anyone even care??