A

I don't even know how I feel about you now.

You are much more than a friend and yet 

I was never hoping for more than that. 

Yes, I am attracted by the lust in your eyes, 

but I should have never kissed you. 

 I am so confused by what this fucking means. 

The impact that this detachment will have on me 

is one I cannot express or fully grasp at the moment.

 I am scared to lose the light you gave my life up here. 

I never quite got my gratitude out there enough, but here it is, 

all of it, inside of my heart. 

It's written on the walls and 

forever indebted to your once kind words. 

so today, today, i will live in the 

shadow 

of your silence,

patiently,

 

until I can deal with myself 

and how much I have fucked up:

i am conitnously learnin though.

i want to keep learning about 

the different kinds of hearts 

that get attracted to mine 

and the qualities that i can 

offer to keep them alive

rather than dead.

forgive me for being selfish,

for forgetting that boundaries

were meant to be respected.

i am continously learning and growing,

but no one told me it'd be this painful.